on the LEAUX.

as i sat down to write this post, i had no idea how i wanted to start it. like, how do you just sit there and tell people that it’s ok to be uncomfortable and ok to fail when you aren’t even ok with those things yourself?

enter this tweet:

amen, brotha. if you have ever struggled with depression or anxiety, then you can relate to having those persistent, sometimes crippling “what if” thoughts. you can relate to feeling like any failure, big or small, is the absolute end of the world. or maybe not. but probably so.

in post two of the F.A.I.T.H. series, i want to focus on having faith in “the process.”

everything that we go through in life requires a process. and the process can be ROUGH, to say the least, especially the process of maturing and growing up. the current process that i’m struggling with is becoming consistently consistent. one thing i’m *great* for is coming up with ideas , but not execution (link back to post on perseverance). it has been a process to commit to consistently writing and posting, because i’m fighting with the urge to procrastinate (per usual) and keep putting it off.

another process has been accepting myself in spite of my failures. between fighting off storm syndrome, imposter syndrome, and my persistent need to do the absolute most, it is BEYOND difficult to accept that i can’t do something, or that i don’t know something, or that i’m unsure of something.

compounding all of that with my supernatural expectation to be a great mother and example to my child, and you have a recipe for disaster. i struggle daily with wondering if it’s better to push myself to the limit in order to be the epitome of achievement for my daughter, or if i should be more mellow in order to show her that balance is vital to mental, physical, and spiritual health.

like i said, it’s all a process. and when going through any process, there is always an element of uncomfortability. with uncomfortability comes uncertainty. and i despise uncertainty, because uncertainty is usually accompanied by fear of failure, and with fear of failure comes analysis paralysis:

i already don’t know how this is gonna turn out, and what if i just fail completely and fall flat on my face? maybe i’ll just do what i know will definitely work and save this idea for later. or never. probably never. it wouldn’t have worked anyway. yeah, it was pretty stupid.

there go those “what if’s.” y’all can relate or nah? oh, y’all don’t have conversations with yourselves? oh, ok.

REVELATION (as of 12:35pm on saturday, april 14th, 2018): you can accept the fact that you failed without accepting failure as the end result. or, you can look at it this way: as long as you are working towards a goal, any “failure” is merely a roadblock. it may take a minute (or an hour or four years) to get past the roadblock, whether you have to go around it or smash through it or wait for it to be moved (and yes, it pains me to say that as an option, but sometimes, the only thing you can do is wait until the time or opportunity is right. doesn’t mean you waste that in-between time, though). but you will get past it. you’ll be uncomfortable in the process. you’ll feel like a failure in the process. but keep F.A.I.T.H. in the process, and (speaking from experience) you will get through the process.

you’ll ask a lot of “what if’s” during the process, but focus on the positive “what if’s” and watch yourself surpass all expectations. like a boss.

❤️ lauren dee.