on the LEAUX.

i don’t have a lot of close friends. i have a lot of people with whom i feel connected in some way, but as far as friends with whom i talk on a regular basis, who know most of my business, who i go to for advice? i can count them on one hand. and one of them is my mother. and i’m laughing (and you probably are, too), but i am very serious.

part of this is due to the fact that superficiality is the bane of my existence. i crave authentic (link to post on authenticity) connections with others, and i excel on establishing them. building rapport is one of my greatest strengths as an educator and friend. however, i suck at the M A I N T E N A N C E of friendships. when i was in college, i was the friend who disappeared from the face of the earth during breaks, only to come back and act like no time had passed. those close to me quickly learned that they would have to reach out to me, because the reverse was as likely to occur as <insert something that could happen but doesn’t happen very often>. i also hate to feel like i am bothering people, so i always feel weird reaching out and saying “hey!” just to say “hey!”

in spite of this, i have managed to make it to year 30 with a (literal) handful of friends, and i thought of them as i read a Black Girl in Om article about sisterhood and shared experiences.

With the community invested in the healthy maturation of each member’s purpose and gift, the challenges of life can be endured with the knowledge that someone is always praying, cooking, singing, or physically standing by. Imagine what an individual in today’s society can accomplish with this level of community support!”

— Monyee, T. “I Am My Sister’s Keeper: How to Forge a Sisterhood Beyond Stereotypes.” 12 March 2018. Black Girl in Om.

 this article truly spoke to me, because there is so much that i could never have accomplished or gotten through without my friends, and i have shared experiences with each of them that have bonded us together in unique ways:

• my grown up bestie and i bonded through Facebook over pregnancy and daughters born just five months apart. also, she was (and is) quite persistent, so i couldn’t dump her as a friend if i wanted to (and i don’t want to). also, let me just tell you: Leo & Sagittarius friendships are matches made in heaven. just saying.

• my grad school girls and i met and got to know each other while we worked for a teen girl empowerment program. these women have been peer mentors to me professionally, but we have also grown together personally and supported each other through the highs and lows of millenial adulthood.

• i shared a womb with my sister. not at the same time, as i am sixteen months older, but i’ve known her for her entire life. we didn’t always get along so well, but as we’ve gotten older, we have learned more about each other and grown closer, for which i am eternally grateful.

• y’all thought i was playing when i said my mother is one of my best friends? NOPE. my mother and i have an incredibly honest and open relationship. i can tell her things, knowing that although she doesn’t approve of the action that led to the problem, she will help me come up with a solution. i can only hope that my relationship with my daughter is as strong when she gets older.

these women are my core, my crew, my very own #SquadGoals. i have learned the hard way that friendships take intentional work and maintenance, as do all relationships. when you find some real ones, keep them close and fight for them. and that’s a note to self, because as much as i claim to not like people in general, i love my friends, and i truly don’t want them to abandon me because they feel abandoned by me. i am working to practice intentionality in my friendships, and by doing so, i hope that my bonds with my friends will only grow stronger.

when i have been overwhelmed by fear because i didn’t know what life had in store, or i didn’t know what move to make, or i had monumentally messed up and didn’t know how to fix it, my friends were there to keep me grounded. fear will kick your butt if you let it, but it is better to learn how to live with it, and having a little (or a lottle) F.A.I.T.H. – and an amazing squad – tends to help.

❤️ lauren dee

PS: this was (finally) the last post in the F.A.I.T.H. series; it only took me a few months…*ahem* i have another series planned that will start next week, but until then, check out the rest of the F.A.I.T.H. series, and remember to choose F.A.I.T.H. over fear, always.